Backwoods Bruisers Carry the Day over State College

Hipps of Fury

Hipps of Fury (Photo by Neil Briggs)

CLEARFIELD — The Northern Allegheny Roller Derby Backwoods Bruisers came head to head, or wheel to wheel at least, against State College Area Roller Derby’s Plan B in Keystone Derby Conference play last weekend.

Clashing on the battle-track known locally as The Skate Station in Clearfield, the two teams’ hotly contested battle ultimately proved the Bruisers victorious — scoring 212 points to Plan B’s 139 in their 2016 season opener.

The Bruisers mobilized its forces,  blockers and jammers of every rank — veterans, rookies, even a freshmeat skater rolling off the bench to engage the State College line in ferocious wheeled combat. Bruiser veterans, in a show of might, valor, and strong leadership skills, drove their team to the win with deft use of formidable defense walls and agile jamming. Plan B also fielded a variety of experience levels, with lion-hearted rookies forming up next to seasoned veterans on the pivot line.

The Bruisers’ jammer Lizzy Von Lethal catapulted her team into the lead with a powerful nine point gain in the fifth jam of the first half, beginning a dogged advance. Point by point, the Backwood Bruisers increased their lead over Plan B in a hard fought first half. Veteran jammers Hunter S. Stomps Em, Rage Maker, and Darth Tater proved crucial to the Bruisers, consistently racking up points in jam after jam.

Smack & Cheese, Flannery Clobber, and El Perezidente of Plan B fiercely returned fire from their own  jammer line, providing the bulk of Plan B’s score in the first half.  The State College team maintained a high level of threat to the Bruisers’ lead throughout — the whistles ending the first half shrieked a fragile truth — State College chased the Bruisers, but only by a breath: State College 77 Bruisers’ 93.

The Bruisers returned from half-time warplanning with a vengeance; the adjustments to both offensive and defensive strategies made during the break effectively penetrating the State College line. The Bruisers lead over Plan B began to rapidly grow.

Darth Tater scored 31 points with no small help from her mother, Hipps of Fury, who blocked for her on jams — clearing roller girls out of Tater’s way with the same hip-furious enthusiasm she exhibits hip-checking the boys who try to date her daughter off the porch and into the rosebushes.

Team Captain Holy Crap expressed her pleasure in the teamwork displayed by the Bruisers, and in the ability of the team adjust quickly and effectively to the changing tactics of their opponent.

Plan B, led by veteran blockers Placid Acid and Ovarian Fyst, played at least half of the jams in the bout; second half scoring for Plan B was led by El Prezidente.

MVP Awards for the bout were given to Smack & Cheese (Plan B) and DriveHer Crazy (Bruisers) for Jammers, and Siren Maiden (Plan B) and Crash It Critter (Bruisers) for Blockers.

The Backwoods Bruisers cordially invite all who enjoy great athletics, good clean fun, and Epic Clashings of Mighty Forces (on 8 Wheels) to bear witness to the carnage of their next field of battle where they will turn the Warren Wrecking Dolls into a bunch of Pigtailed Pacifists.

“Try me”,  DriveHer Crazy was heard to say, “see if we don’t.”

This Backwoods Bruising occurs on April 16th at the Skate Station in Clearfield. Doors will open to the public at 4 pm, First Whistle at 4:30.

You are invited, you may as well come…Whatsamatter, scared?

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