Today’s 5 things: Turkey’s ticked. Shkreli’s squirrelly. But hey, it’s Friday!

Hillary and Bernie go at it. Russia and Turkey go at it. Shkreli and Congress go at it. It’s Friday, and here are the five things you need to know to Get Up to Speed and Out the Door.


Copy and paste: If they said “progressive” one more time, one tweet went, MSNBC would have to run a half hour of Geico ads for equal time. Yes, there was another Dem debate last night, this one the first O’Malley-less mano-a womano between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. And frankly, it was the same ole same ole. We could just CTRL+V yesterday’s newsletter entry. They went at it over who was more progressive, who was in the pocket of Wall Street, yada, yada, yada. The tweets were great though:

Here are the six takeaways. And here’s who was lying.

War of words:

Russia: Turkey’s massing troops on the Syrian border and we think they’re getting ready to go in.

Turkey: Lies! Russia’s just saying that to deflect attention from the fact it’s already in Syria bombing civilians.

U.S. We’re certainly not going to talk about what the Turks are doing.

Saudi Arabia: Hey, U.S., count us in if YOU decide to go in.

U.N.: Guys, guys! We know peace talks failed, but can we give it another shot?

And that has been today’s installment of As The World Burns. Sigh.


Smugging for the cameras: Martin Shkreli hit all the boxes for ticking people off during and after his appearance in front of the House Oversight Committee. The ex-Turing Pharma CEO, and World’s Most Despised Human Being, was supposed to talk about why he marked up an AIDS drug by 5000%. Instead he took the Fifth, fiddled with his pencil and rolled his eyes. In short, if you could give someone the middle finger via performance art, this was it. And afterward, he called them “imbeciles” in a tweet. Shkreli: Keepin’ it classy.


Unfriendly skies: It WAS a bomb that ripped a hole in the side of a Somali airliner. Now the hunt is on to find out who planted it. The Daallo Airlines flight from Mogadishu had just begun when the blast — powered by military grade TNT — occurred, just above the plane’s wing. The pilot managed to land the plane safely, but one person was sucked out of the plane’s hole. No group claimed responsibility, but U.S. officials have a good suspect. Nope, not ISIS. Those other monsters: Al-Shabaab.


Deadly dinner: It sounds like a scene from “Law & Order, but it’s all too real. Prosecutors say Virginia Tech classmates David Eisenhauer and Natalie Keepers met at a restaurant to hash out a murder plot over plates of fast food. That’s why they denied bond for Keepers, who’s charged with being an accessory in 13-year-old Nicole Lovell’s death. Authorities say Eisenhauer killed the girl to keep her from exposing their relationship. Keepers, they say, was “excited to be part of something secretive and special.”


People are talking about these. Read up. Join in.

You’re not the boss of me

A U.N. group ruled this morning that Julian Assange is being unlawfully detained in London’s Ecuadorian Embassy. Officials said whatevs; your word isn’t bond.

Super baller

Larry Jacobson is in an exclusive club of three: Guys who’ve attended EVERY SINGLE Super Bowl.

Are you my mother?

It’s the Internet’s latest guessing game. One of these ladies is the mom; the other two are her twin daughters. Someone should Photoshop the #theDress on them and truly blow our minds!


Yahoo, set to layoff thousands of employees, fired about 30 people it didn’t intend to.

Shining star

Bowie. Frey. Lemmy. Kantner. And now Maurice White of Earth, Wind & Fire. Can we please hit pause on any more musician deaths?


Fetch! Roll over! Wipe your paws!

Yes, unlike our dogs, Bentley wipes his paws before coming into the house.

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