Ted-I-Am really likes Obamacare

Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, made news this week when he told CNN’s Dana Bash that he would get his health care through Obamacare. Previously, Cruz’s family was covered under his wife’s policy through her employer, the investment bank Goldman Sachs. But with her husband’s presidential candidacy underway, Heidi Cruz has taken a leave without pay. So she has lost her Goldman Sachs health benefits.

The story went viral, in part because Cruz once engineered a partial government shutdown to try to kill Obamacare. As part of his crusade, Cruz conducted a 21-hour talkathon on the Senate floor, during which he read Dr. Seuss’ classic “Green Eggs and Ham.” Spoiler alert: “Green Eggs and Ham” ends with the protagonist actually trying the food he thought he hated — and liking it. Now that Cruz is likely to try Obamacare, my guess is he will have a similar experience.

So, with apologies to Dr. Seuss — who would no doubt have found a way to rhyme “President Bar” with “Obamacare” — here is my updated version of “Green Eggs and Ham.”

President Bar
President Bar
I do not like
that President Bar

Do you like
Obamacare?

I do not like it,
President Bar.
I do not like
Obamacare.

Would you like it
here or there?
I would not like it
here or there.
I would not like it
anywhere.
I do not like
Obamacare
I do not like it,
President Bar.

Would you like it
for the Senate?
Would you like it
for a minute?

I do not like it
for the Senate.
I do not like it
for a minute.
I do not like it
here or there.
I do not like it
anywhere.
I do not like Obamacare.
I do not like it, President Bar.

Would you try it
in a pinch?
Would you try it
for an inch?

Not in a pinch.
Not for an inch.
Not in the Senate.
Not for a minute.
I would not like it here or there.
I would not like it anywhere.
I will not use Obamacare.
I do not like it, President Bar.

Would you? Could you?
Back in Texas?
Try it! Try it!
In your Lexus.

I would not
could not
back in Texas.

You may like it,
You will see.
It comes with
a subsidy.

I don’t want a subsidy
Not in a car! You let me be.
I do not like it back in Texas.
I do not like it in my Lexus.
I do not like in the Senate.
I do not like it for a minute.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like Obamacare.
I do not like it President Bar.

Exchange! Exchange!
Exchange! Exchange!
Could you, would you
on an exchange?

No damn exchange! No subsidy!
Not in a car, Bar! Let me be!
I do not like it back in Texas.
I do not like it in my Lexus.
I do not like in the Senate.
I do not like it for a minute.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere.
I do not like Obamacare.
I do not like it President Bar.

Say! On CNN?
Here on CNN!
Would you, could you, on CNN?

I would not, could not,
on CNN.

Would you, could you,
in Des Moines?

I would not, could not, in Des Moines.
I simply could not bear to join.
Not on CNN. Not back in Texas.
Not on an exchange. Not in my Lexus.
Not in the Senate. Not for a minute.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it anywhere!

You do not like
Obamacare?

I do not
like it,
President Bar.

Could you, would you
with Harry Reid?

I would not,
could not
with Harry Reid!

Would you if care were
guaranteed?

I could not, even if it’s guaranteed.
I will not join with Harry Reid.
I will not do it in Des Moines.
I simply could not bear to join.
Not on CNN. Not back in Texas.
Not on an exchange. Not in my Lexus.
Not in the Senate. Not for a minute.
I do not like it here or there.
I do not like it ANYWHERE!
I do not like
Obamacare!
I do not like it,
President Bar.

But if your wife leaves Goldman Sachs,
And you don’t want to pay the tax,
Try it! Try it! You may see
Obamacare is good for me.

Bar!
If Goldman drops my policy,
And I look at it honestly,
I will try it, you will see.

Say!
I like Obamacare!
I do! I like it, President Bar!
I like that it is guaranteed.
I’ll even join with Harry Reid.
But do not tell them in Des Moines.
That it makes sense for me to join.
I’ll walk it back on CNN. I’ll still attack it now and then.
But I’ll be on it back in Texas. I’ll be on it in my Lexus.
I’ll be on it in the Senate. Signing up just took a minute.
I secretly like it here and there.
I love that it covers me everywhere!

I do so like Obamacare!
Thank you!
Thank you,
President Bar.

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